oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
