I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
