summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
