Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
