How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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