i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
