Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
