I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
