This girl is more easily done than said...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
