$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
