yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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