Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize