I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
