did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize