All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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