I want to stick my p in your. b.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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