i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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