True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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