While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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