Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
