all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
