1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just high enough for therapy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
