he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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