Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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