my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
