Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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