I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
