What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
