You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
