I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Go christen that room with your naked body.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
