did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
