This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
