from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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