Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
