Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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