I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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