I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
