Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
