Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
