He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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