# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
