i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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