youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize