I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
