this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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