so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
