I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
