carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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