you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
