He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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