Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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