well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
