...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
