took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize