your room smells of hookers.
And success
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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