so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
