And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
