You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
