Will you blow on my dice?
You're so nebulous sometimes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
