I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why did my mother make you get naked?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
