He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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