We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
