new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize