he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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