it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
