You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
